So, I've finally found the solution after hours of looking! Turns out that the problem was indeed caused by the Optane drive included in the laptop (a Lenovo Yoga C940.)
The way to fix this was to turn off Optane entirely and switch to AHCI, first turning off Optane in Windows (using the crappy Intel app for this) to prevent data loss, and then go into the BIOS, find a little bit of blue text labeled Storage -> press right arrow key -> switch from RST to AHCI. I got a warning that it would wipe my drives, but this did not happen (others on the internet confirmed they also did not lose data.) Still, always best to backup anyway.
I also turned off Fast Startup in Windows at some point - I have no idea of the effect this may have had, but just putting it out there for anyone with the same problem. I also did not need any drivers, or to update anything, in order to change from RST to AHCI.
After doing the above, I was able to simply boot my liveusb, install Ubuntu normally with the "Install alongside Windows 10", and there I had it, a working, booting Ubuntu install.
If anyone is struggling with optane and this -doesn't- help: Good luck, you're going to need it. Here are two related links that might help (thanks kannzzmm2 for the first one):
https://discourse.ubuntu.com/t/ubuntu-installation-on-computers-with-intel-r-rst-enabled/15347 and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2uXgbF3P2F8
Secure Boot is off in the BIOS, I'm not sure how much of an effect that'd have?
– Owen Versteeg Jun 15 '20 at 16:33