For some reason the LiveUSB I got over here seems to be laughing at me and it won't let me install Ubuntu, so is there a way to install it straight from Windows to an external hard drive?
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No, you can't install it from Windows, but if you post the error as a separate question - we can surely help you with that – Apr 30 '16 at 09:18
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There used to be an installer called Wubi that could install Ubuntu from Windows, but it is outdated and it isn't compatible with UEFI. If you use BIOS ("Legacy boot"), it is possible to install Ubuntu, though perhaps you would need to install an old version and then update it (I don't know if Wubi supports latest Ubuntu versions). There are also similar installers for other Linux distros, win32-loader (Debian) and Instlux (OpenSUSE). Anyway, if I were you I would just try another USB flash. – wintermute Apr 30 '16 at 09:51
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I recommend you to use Etcher, I've faced a lot of problems while installing (or after) when I used Rufus or LiveUSB.
And also, make sure to choose UEFI mode and not Legacy when you enter the boot menu (where you select "USB").
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2I recommend to [edit] this answer to expand it with specific details about how to do this. (See also How do I write a good answer? for general advice about what sorts of answers are considered most valuable on AskUbuntu.) – David Foerster Jun 04 '17 at 12:30