I like putting way too many jokes and sarcastic comments in profiles, so I'll limit myself to just a few here.

Things To Ponder:

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

The reason some people appear bright until they open their mouth is the difference in the speed of light and the speed of sound.

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a Train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men?

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?

Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

I had a thought but it got lonely and went away.

Money talks and mine says "Good-bye."

It's okay to talk to yourself, it's okay to ask yourself questions, it's even okay to answer those questions. Just don't ever ask yourself a question and then go "huh?"

Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.

A friend will help you move but a true friend will help you move a body.

Due to the worsening of the economy the light at the end of the tunnel has been temporarily turned off.

I do not suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

My train of thought got derailed.

If someone gave you half a brain, you'd still only have half a brain. The only difference would be that you were responsible for someone committing suicide.

All things in the world are mind over matter; if you don't mind then it doesn't matter.

Most people have a filter between their brain and their mouth that tells them when they shouldn't say something. Me, not so much.

Shut up brain or I'll stab you with a Q-tip again.

I tried to keep an open mind but my brains kept falling out. The more things change, the more things remain. . . insane. Knowledge is power. . . power corrupts. . . study hard. . . BE EVIL!

Your talking is getting in the way of my telling you to shut up.

Stress, n. The state of self-induced harm which results from over riding the body's desire to kick someone's ass.

Always glad to inadvertently inspire genius. Just remember to give some of the profits to me or I'll sue you (unless you think genius is a synonym for genocide in which case stay far, far away from me Darth Sidious Wannabe!)